The anger lasted only moments giving way to a soul wrenching disappointment.  The tears stopped hours ago, serving little purpose other than to redden my eyes and leave streaks of salt down my face.  The hurt...that will be with me for a long time.  I have trouble accepting that there is nothing I can do, or could have done differently.  This isn't the first time, nor the second that I have been through this.  I keep hoping...wishing...but it just doesn't change.  As I have every time before this, I questioned myself relentlessly.  Somehow it has to be my fault, right?  I can't find that fault, unless it be that I care.

I don't know what to say, what to do.  I'll be here, as always, but the rest is up to you.