Nights

Sit down and just weep
in an empty room
where the walls close in
the confines of my mind
memories play on the far wall
a slideshow of it all
the horrors, the betrayals,
the goodtimes, the pain, the shame
blurs until it's all much the same
bits and pieces of the past
all a foundation that this broken man
has upon which to sculpt a future.

I have found that...

...Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.  ~Terri Guillemets

Observing a broken man.

Sittin in the back of the bar
brooding over his drink
wondering where she's been
if she's better off without him
as he walks outside
snow lands against his chin,
home to a cold empty house
filled with memories
and hopes of what could have been.

Gazing

Gazing off into the nothing
dark clouds drift by
the occasional rain drop
Illuminated by the street lamp
splatters onto the sidewalk
temporararly distracting me
from the great emptiness
welling up inside
I am well aware I am drowning
in the sea of me
ask me if I care
right now the response would be no.
besides, sometimes you must
sink
in order to learn to swim.

Amazing what you learn.

The hospital is a great place
to remind you of just how insignificant you are
trying to communicate with those people
Is like carrying on a conversation with a brick wall.
I told the nurse what was going on,
Just so she could rephrase her questions
and make me repeat the same god damn responses
I told her I couldn't trust myself,
That there was no way in hell I could gaurente my safty
But no, I didn't have a plan,
So...out the door with me
appointment card in hand for 49 hours from now...
Guess in her mind it takes more than 2 days to die...
Amazing what you learn in an e.r.

Mother

I am who I am today
do in part to your hinderences
The horrors my memory holds
Haunt me late at night...
Must I remind you
that I did not choose to be here
But I'm fighting to make what I can
of your great mistake
So judge, condem, and criticise
by all means feel free
say and do as you wish
just know it'll mean nothing to me.
You lost that privlidge long ago.

Anything

My soul cries from deep within
in a tounge I cannot decipher
has it all grown to be to much?
yet another life changing low...
another choice of weather or not to care,
so little left that wants anything
~but~ wants everything-?-
age old thought
of loosing it all...
to find something
I'm at the anything point...