Tonight

I've been sitting here staring at the screen, parts of thoughts typed then deleted due to their refusal to complete.  I suppose this is one of those times when the troubles in one's head and the sorrows of one's heart are simply not meant to be put into words...at least not yet.

Reflection

I could never be good enough.  It still haunts me to this day...
I wanted to show you, to somehow gain your approval.  Needless to say, it never happened.  Instilling something like that so young scared me.  Yes, I worked harder, but each new success was another dissapointment.  They never measured up.  To this day I see other adults and children alike interacting with their fathers, and part of me aches.  I've spent years struggling with even so much as the idea of having that type of influance on another life.  Over the past months that desire has grown stronger.  I want to thank you, for setting an example of damn near everything NOT to be.  Maybe a twisted way of looking at things.  I know the numerous mistakes you made, how they effected me.  I can think of no greater reason to not make the same mistakes.